More Hy-Vee fun

One thing I've noticed about Johnson Avenue Hy-Vee is they seem to have an obsession with using the PA System. At Mt. Vernon Road Hy-Vee, the only department that used it with any regularity was the Cheese Island. At Johnson Avenue, EVERYONE uses the PA, even the damn Dairy. (Oh shit, Milk's 20 cents off, better stock up!) In honor of Johnson Avenue's obsession with the PA, I dug through the BBP archives to bring you my favorite PA message ever performed at a Hy-Vee. Here's the original text from my post:

Wednesday, August 29, 2001

Stupid Hy-Vee Ads

Over the months of working at Hy-Vee, I've heard my fair share of stupid ads that play over the sound system at Hy-Vee. All the cheese island ones sound identical, and the other ones you just don't pay attention to. There's been some that tried to incorporate humor or something, but they just fall flat.

An ad that started playing today, however, takes the cake.

It's Jim Baldwin, Manager of Store Operations, and Raphael, the Hy-Vee's Kitchen manager having a discussion. Raphael, however, does a fairly wretched imitation of Rodney Dangerfield. The dialog is something like this:

Jim: Hey Rodney, are there any good deals at Hy-Vee's Kitchen this week?
Rodney: Heyyy, Jim. There sure are. You can get a main entree, two sides, a dinner roll with butter, and a drink all for $5.49. You can get an 8 piece chicken pack for dinner for $14.97.
Jim: Wow Rodney, those sound like some respectable prices.
Rodney: They sure are. I get no respect. I have to go to Hy-Vee's Kitchen to get respect.

AWFUL. It was so embarrasing, the Shift Manager (Megan Kalamaja) would actually hold down the button on the intercom (and not talk into it) to block it out later in the night. Yes, it's THAT BAD. I don't know if it'll still be playing tomorrow, but try to go into Hy-Vee for at least twenty minutes and if it's still on, you'll hear it.

How I love thee, Hy-Vee customers

As you may or may not know, I am once again employed at HyVee. After nearly a three year stint with Best Buy, I came crawling back to the friendly smiles in every aisle. As it turns out, no one wants to hire someone for a three month period, except HyVee. As it also turns out, even if I lie that I'm not going back to school, I still won't get hired.

So, to make a long story short, Hy-Vee offered to pay me $8.00/hour to do catering, and without a better offer on the table, I said yes.

Now, the catering part of it isn't so bad, actually. I am responsible for our operations at MCI Wednesday through Friday. My shifts fly by without doing much difficult work at all. It's even, dare I say, fun.

Of course, Wednesday through Friday does not a full work week make, so when I'm not catering to MCI, I work in the Kitchen. Again, this isn't a dream job, and for anything below $8.00/hour, I wouldn't put up with this shit, but HyVee hit the magic number and alas, I do indeed put up with it.

Working in the Kitchen normally sucks because I am the bitch who doesn't know anything, so usually I get stuck with doing dishes and bussing tables. Tonight, however, Dawn saw fit to let me do the salad case. It's better than doing dishes, but the downside is there is a lot more customer interaction. So around 8:45 an older couple wanders up to the case and they want dinner. Well, considering the kitchen officially closes and night, and we're minutes away from removing the food from the hot case, they should be lucky we have as quality of a variety as we do. Hell, many HyVee Kitchens close at 8 PM.

The gent asks for a four wing dinner, and unfortunately, we're out of wings. I inform him of this, and he says, "Now what am I gonna do?" Normally customers joke around like this if they can't get what they want, so I assumed that was his intent and I nervously laughed. The look in his eyes made clear rather quickly that he wasn't joking. So then he points to the Mediterranean Chicken Breast and asks how many breasts he gets if he orders that. I inform him that he gets one breast, plus veggies. It's the same size portion he would get at a restaurant like Applebee's or Friday's and they would charge his ass $8.95 for it.

"You've GOT to be kidding me!", he says. I respond, "I'm sorry sir, the portion size is one breast, plus veggies." So then he again says, "So what am I gonna do now?" I begin to offer him something else and he says, "Maybe I'll just go home and put a gun in my mouth." I am trying so hard not to laugh at an old man who is literally pouting like a 2 year old because we don't have the food he wants or won't give him enough of it. His wife then tries to calm him down and he says, "This place is going to hell!" I have to turn my back as a laugh escapes from my lips.

He demands to see my manager, and I was more than happy to refer Dawn his way. She's a single mother with two kids, and she treats anyone getting out of line like she would a little kid. It's hilarious; she doesn't take shit from anyone. She flatly informs him the same thing I did and they turn and walk toward Italian Express.

Yahoo! News - DMX Charged in NYC with Impersonating FBI Agent

How rich do you have to be before you stop being a fucking retard? I hope he never releases another album again.

Yahoo! News - DMX Charged in NYC with Impersonating FBI Agent

M3 Power -- believe the hype?

Gillette has released a new razor. As usual, it's been followed by a full-force marketing campaign to create awareness for their new product. The product in question is the M3 Power -- an evolutionary, instead of revolutionary step in razor technology. The question on every guy's mind -- is it better than my beloved Mach 3 Turbo? Well, I'll answer that question for you.

First, let's brush up on our Mach 3 history.

Original Mach 3
The first triple-blade razor was introduced in the late nineties. It operates on a premise that three blades can cut more hair in a stroke than two blades can. Also, the blades are angled, so they can cut progressively closer to the hair. It also features an aloe indicator strip that loses its color when the blade needs to be replaced.

Mach 3 Turbo
The Mach 3 Turbo features all the great benefits of the Mach 3, with one huge new feature. The feature in question? Anti-friction blades. The Turbo's blades feature a special coating which reduces friction and makes strokes even more effortless than before. It helps to significantly reduce ingrown hairs and razor burn/bumps. The Gillette ads promised that you could now shave against the grain, but this really wasn't a good idea past the very first use of the blade.

M3 Power
The M3 Power features two evolutions to the Mach 3 line. The most heralded new feature is Micro-Power. Running on a single AAA battery, the M3 Power has an on/off button that enables/disables Micro-Power, which is a fancy marketing term for microvibrations. Some might be afraid of a vibrating razor, but the vibrations are very minor. According to Gillette, a man's facial hairs lays in all sorts of different directions, often laying against the skin -- this is why it takes more than one stroke to shave. The vibrations help move the hair into a position that is more conducive to cutting.

The other major new feature that most people seem to be overlooking is that Gillette has enhanced the coating on the blades. Just as the Mach 3 Turbo featured a superior coating to the original Mach 3, the M3 Power has again raised the bar in terms of blade coating. According to Gillette, it should glide even more effortlessly than a Mach 3 Turbo.

My Take on the M3 Power
So, now that you know what the whole history and background of the M3 Power, it's probably time to give you my thoughts.

The day before I used the M3 Power, I shaved with an incredibly crappy disposable razor. So, the first test was on a 30 hour beard after being previously cut with a disposal. Most guys know that this is probably the worst-case scenario. My face is still pissed at the use of the disposable the day before, the stubble is uneven and tough-as-nails.

With some Clean Skin Gillette shaving gel, hot water, and a fresh M3 Power in hand, I began. I turned the razor on, and took my first stroke on the side of my face.

It was EFFORTLESS. Despite the worst possible conditions, M3 Power tore through the facial hair like a hot knife through butter. It was clearly a superior shave to the Mach3 Turbo after a single stroke. Not only was it more comfortable and less irritating, it was indeed closer than ever. The microvibrations must really help set up the hair.

I have a few trouble spots on my face -- below my lip is really a tough area. I have a very tiny mole there, and it is an absolute bitch to get the hairs properly shaved there -- either I won't have them cut enough, or I'll cut too deep and take half the mole with the hairs.

The M3 Power is the first razor to cut this area perfectly. It is as smooth as it has ever been, and I have no cuts whatsoever.

A traditional shave with the M3 Power nearly rivals a Mach 3 Turbo against-the-grain shave -- it's that close, with infinitely more comfort.

The M3 Power is a truly fantastic razor, and anyone who needs to shave (read: all Males) should pick one up immediately. It has replaced the Mach 3 Turbo as the ultimate razor. Buy one now, you will not regret it.

A few roommate stories...

If you missed my introduction to my ex-roommate Jonathan, you should probably read the introduction first.
Link: http://www.rahiki.com/bbp/2004/06/introduction-to-my-wonderful-ex.html

Read the intro? Okay, good. Let's dive into a couple of stories.
Good Study Habits
Like I mentioned in the introduction, Jonathan was very successful in high school. He was Valedictorian for the Class of 2003 of Albia High School.

It's important to note that Jon is in the Engineering program, which is pretty difficult. Classes finally began after five days of moving-in, getting situated, and getting oriented. I noticed pretty quickly that Jonathan really didn't do anything but sleep, go to class, and study.

I am not exagerrating. He would wake up, eat breakfast, go to a class, come back and study, go to another class, come back and study, go to another class, come back and study, eat dinner, study until midnight, go to bed, wake up at 8 AM and repeat. I warned him that he would burn out on this pretty quickly, but he ignored my advice.

Of course, as the year went on, this didn't last. I would say it really didn't continue past the first two weeks.

By the end of the semester, those quality study habits were but a distant memory for Jonathan. During finals week, Jonathan and I agreed we should study for Econ 101 together. We were in the same class and section even, so it only made sense. On the agreed-upon night to study, I was in my room studying for another one of my finals I had the next day. The time grew later and later and later. Around 1 or 2 AM in the morning, Jonathan rolled into our room and said, "Hey, do you want to start studying for Econ?"

He came into our room at 2 in the morning to START studying. My, how things had changed!

Lando Is Born
On the third floor of Linden Hall, there was a rather infamous gent by the name of Jonathan Householder. Householder was famous for a number of things. He was living in Linden for his fourth consecutive year. He was over 21. He drove an Escalade. He had a pretty amazing dorm room. He has a Moose obsession. If you said the name of Jonathan anywhere in Linden, people knew you were talking about Householder.

Of course, this presented a problem for my roomie. People always confused the two, and neither one of them was going to settle for Jon. We dealt with the problem by referring to them as their last names whenever possible, but we would slip up occasionally and there would be confusion.

One night we were watching Family Guy, as usual, and it was the episode called "Let's Go To the Hop". If you're not familiar with this episode, it's where licking toads becomes the hip new drug at Meg's high school. To solve the problem, Peter offers to go undercover at the school. His name of choice? Lando. Yes, Lando of "Empire Strikes Back" fame. Immediately after this episode, Jonathan declared that he would now be known as Lando.

I thought he was just joking around and being weird. I was wrong. He was quite serious. It took a few weeks, but in a short period of time, Jonathan was known as Lando. People would knock on my door and ask, "Is Lando here?" I honestly am still shocked and how quickly and rapidly the name stuck and stayed that way. In fact, it's been really difficult writing "Jonathan" all this time -- my natural tendancy is to want to write Lando, which I probably will from now on.

More stories are yet to come!

An introduction to my wonderful ex-roommate, Jonathan

Since many of our contributors will soon be getting their first dose of living in a dorm with a roommate, I guess it's only appropriate that I regale you with stories of my very own roommate, Jonathan.

Sometime in June of 2003, after I arrived home from orientation in Ames, I received a letter in the mail telling me about my home for the upcoming school year. My new home was going to be beautiful Linden Hall in the Richardson Court neighborhood of Iowa State University. To be more specific, I was to live in room 301, and my roommate was one "Jonathan Franklin Roberts". His address was provided for me, and it was suggested I contact him before the year was to begin. I quickly scanned his address, hoping he would hail from a large city. No such luck -- his address listed his home as Albia, Iowa.

I had never heard of such a place before, so to Google I went, and I quickly discovered Albia was a very small town in Iowa south of Des Moines. The population? A mere 7,000 individuals. I became a little concerned that Jonathan was going to be a little in shock of "the big city" when he reached Ames.

I looked up his email address in Iowa State's online phonebook and wrote him a letter. He replied, and the plot thickened!

Albia wasn't actually his hometown. He had only lived there during his senior year to establish residency so he could go to Iowa State for the in-state rate. He actually was from an even *SMALLER* town in Arkansas. Better still, his dad was a Pastor (I'm not sure if that was specifically his title, but he runs a church).

So, the story so far is that my roommate is actually from a small town in Arkansas, his dad is a Pastor, and he had lived in Iowa for his senior year of HS. He was also Valedictorian of his graduating class. Needless to say, I'm excited to meet this character, and I am wondering if we'll mix well at all.

I arrived in Ames around 8 AM on move-in day. Of course, it was the hottest day of the year, reaching mid-to-upper 90s. Better still, Linden Hall is not air-conditioned, and I had to carry all my crap up four flights of stairs.

Around 3 or 4 PM in the afternoon, Jonathan rolled into the room, and we introduced ourselves. We spent the rest of the day getting our room arranged appropriately, and then we went to bed.

Here are some pictures of my room, and soon, I shall post hilarious and not-so-hilarious stories of our adventures in being roomies.